| Candid Communication Important to Sexual Health | | Print | |
Why do some people seem to get everything they want in the way of romantic intimacy, while
others cannot get even what they need? Being sexually successful is not a matter of how you
look, how old you are, or how much you earn. It is more about your attitude, manners, and
social skills.
Here are 10 commonsense tips on negotiating your way to great romantic intimacy.
1. First impressions count. Look and act your best. This is not the time to beat yourself up
about your imperfections or to take out your frustrations with the world. This is the time to let a
partner know that you are ready and able to have a fun time.
2. Pay attention. Take a few minutes to absorb some information about your potential
partner. Get a sense of the kind of person she or he is – shy or aggressive, extroverted, or
reserved? Then fine-tune your approach to him or her. People are not interchangeable; so do
not treat everyone exactly the same way.
3. Be complimentary. Find something about the person that you like. Does he or she have
nice hair or lovely eyes, a great figure or beautiful hands? Are they spiritual, intelligent, or
funny? Learning to appreciate people’s qualities, and letting them know you do, is key to
success in your romantic endeavors.
4. Leave the negativity at home. The kiss of death is when you bring tired old baggage into
play. Romantic intimacy is about pleasure, fun, relaxation, healing, and connecting with another
human being. Do not talk about your bad relationships or gas prices, bar fights or work
frustrations. Focus on the good times you can have with this person, and not the bad times you
have had with others.
5. Flirt. A whole book could be written on the subject, but suffice to say that flirting puts
people in a good mood and warms them up sexually. Flirting includes can include paying
compliments, making teasing comments or light-hearted jokes, and talking about fantasies or
things you would like to do together. It does NOT include demeaning jokes, insults, or obscene
language.
6. Ask for what you want. Asking does not guarantee you will get it, but it certainly improves
your chances. Show or tell your lover what things excite you the most. If your partner needs
some convincing, take baby steps towards your ultimate goal.
7. Control yourself. The difference between immature romantic intimacy and adult romantic
intimacy is that adults learn to control their impulses. Unfortunately, way too many adults keep
acting sex-crazed and immature long after it is acceptable or attractive. Sexual excitement is no
excuse for trying to force someone to do things that make him or her uncomfortable. When
your partner says "no" to something, accept the limit and gracefully and move on to something
else. Rude or abusive behavior are not appreciated or tolerated.
8. Don’t confuse fantasy with reality. You meet an incredibly desirable person and, in your
mind, you just know you would have mind-blowing romantic intimacy together. You are lucky ifyou do. Do not ruin your chances with them by assuming that YOUR fantasy obligates THEM to
fulfill it. Instead, feel them out – are they getting the same vibes? Does your idea turn them on
as much as it does you? Talk it over before trying to talk them into it.
9. Set limits on both sides and stick to them. Communicate clearly about what you like
and dislike, what words or fantasies are exciting and which ones are not. Remember that what
is hot to one person could be like a cold shower to another. If your partner lets you know that
he or she does not want to act out a particular, fantasy or engage in a particular act, do not try
to force them into it. You can always find someone else who is more compatible with you and
will be delighted to indulge you.
10. Be polite. Some of the sexiest words in any language are "Please," "thank you," and
"you’re welcome." No matter how raunchy the situation, politeness shows that you respect your
partners and value their company, and it makes you look classy. Your positive energy will make
them trust you more and grow more open to trying new and exciting things with you.| Users' Comments (0) |
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